Lunch Break Notes

So last week I had to do one of the most difficult things in my life. I had to say goodbye to a friend that has been in my life every single day for the past 15 years. Levi was a good dog with a typical outlook on life. If it moved, bite it, if it smelt good, eat it and if a spot looked warm and cozy, lay and claim it. My wife had rescued Levi from a shelter as a gift to me for losing another Jack Russell previously. Clyde too was a great dog. He would attack your pant leg when you would go to leave the house. Sadly, he chased the wrong car and it got him. Levi was an incredible addition to our family. He was adopted under the notion that he was still somewhat f a pup but quickly came to realize that he was well past his childish phase. When we first got him, he would not bark at all, instead he would just sit and watch. It was not until my wife's cousin thought it would be funny to teach him to bark at specific races of people. After that he was a normal dog, ba...

As the old saying goes... Tonight i went to visit my mothers grave. Something that I do with my step dad about twice a month. My mother was the first one to be put into the new plot at the cemetery when she was buried. Since then, there have been quite a few additions to her surroundings. She has new neighbours if you will. One of those new neighbours happens to be a friend of myself and Lex. Our friend Wes is now buried in line with my mother in a far off plot in a beautiful cemetery. As soon as i got out of the car tonight and saw his headstone something inside of me just went click and then the cloud came over me. It could have been any other Wes but something told me it was the crazy fun Wes that we knew. The same Wes that my wife worked with at two jobs. The same Wes that only a couple months before invited me into his Dungeons and Dragons group. Boy, do I wish i took him up on that invite. I could not believe that a friend of ours lies just at my mothers feet so now when I vi...

So this is the first mothers day holiday to come since the passing of my mother. I will admit that in the past there has not been a whole lot of honorary celebrating done when it came to my mother. Our relationship usually did not allow it but this being the first year without her really hit me. Even though most of my time was taken by honoring my wonderful wife and all that she does as a mother it was still hard hard to clear my head. As odd as it may seem, I wish that I could at least call to say Happy Mothers Day to her despite whatever mindset or condition she was in at the given moment. Just to hear her say thank you once again for calling would be enough. This thought followed me into my sleep and gave me quite a dream. I'll consider it a nightmare on account of how it made me feel when I woke up. It was a strange dream, taking place at my high school graduation party, which never happened in real life. My mother was there causing a mess, yelling at me the ...

So as you can imagine, my mind has been quite a wreck lately. So many thoughts both good an bad going through. With my mom passing, there was a lot of stuff to take care of still. There was so much to go through. A lot of the left over stuff was given to me. There was one item in particular that was given to me. This item caused my relapse. I am not proud of what I did. Did I feel better after wards? Absolutely! Who wouldn't? Even as stayed away from the stuff for going on over a year I couldn't say no... i was not strong enough... it tasted too good! I ate ham... c'mon guys get your head out of your asses, I'm not that weak. My mother had a ten pound smoked ham stashed away for the holiday that was near it's expiration so rather than see the poor guy tossed away, i took it home with me. Tonight was the night that my wife cooked it up and boy was it marvelous. The pineapples and the glaze were just too much for me. I started out saying to myself, I can stop af...

This year Christmas came with a bit more sadness and upset than your usual dysfunctional family holiday. A week before Christmas, my mom passed away. It was a sudden event fueled by many different things. This has been very tough for me. Months before her death, my mother and I had a conversation, one of which I will always remember, where she told me that if anything were to ever happen to her that she would not want me to cry. Well Mom, I kept my word. No tears were dropped and those words keep pounding away in my head. I am locked into an oath that forces me to be present and aware during the whole mess that was her death. I was forced to watch with eyes wide open because nobody else's were. I got word of the incident via a Facebook post from my brother who I still believe had no idea who i was when i called to confirm. Within a few minutes, i was inbound to her house to see if he was mentally hallucinating, a likely possibility. I arrived on scene to police standing on her ...